


Goodbye 101

by tomatojuicee



Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bnm boys, lol i really hate the phrase hurt/comfort but ended up writing it??, the circumstances necessitated it, third elimination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 09:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11205162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatojuicee/pseuds/tomatojuicee
Summary: Donghyun gets eliminated and counts it as a failure on his part. Youngmin is the last person he wants to admit his failure to.





	Goodbye 101

After the rankings were announced and the twenty surviving trainees were saved, the eliminated trainees were sent back to the dorms to pack their bags while the rest filmed part selection for the finale songs. To say it sucked, Donghyun thought, would be the understatement of the century.  PD staff had finally broken up the mosh of sobbing boys on stage and sent the two groups on their separate ways, and walking away from the 101 pyramid for the last time while three of his closest friends were ushered away to continue chasing their shared dream was heartbreaking.  He wasn’t bitter about the success of the other trainees from Brand New, of course he was happy for them, but being the sole failure was crushing.  

The walk back to the dorms was suddenly much longer than Donghyun remembered as he rewound through his every step on the show.  Maybe if he had just stayed up three hours more to master the choreography for the level evaluation so he could have ranked A like his labelmates?  But he was a weak, lazy, sleep gluttonous slacker.  Maybe if he had been more charismatic in the intro of Be Mine?  He laughed sardonically at that one.  What charisma?  Maybe if he had stood out in recreational segments _before_ the week he got eliminated.  But he just lacked the natural ability to entertain a crowd of people in a social setting.  Which was scoffable, he was training to be an entertainer after all.  Before he could realize or stop it, he was blinking back tears from his already puffy eyes.  He kept his eyes glued to the ground so he could have his pity party in solitude, but another trainee walking alongside him seemed to notice and slung an arm around him.  Begrudgingly he allowed himself to be dragged into who he recognized to be Yehyun’s side and tried to hold it together until they reached the dorms.

Packing in the I Know You Know dorm was a tearful affair.  Donghyun was planning on regaining his composure, but then they were all there and Hyunbin broke down sobbing and apologizing for being the leader of a group where no one survived.  From there it was really impossible to stop anyone’s waterworks.  They did manage to get themselves together long enough to pack, and then they were supposed to be out of the dorms by midnight.  Of course no one wanted to leave, so the seven of them spent the entire day in their tiny dorm room reminiscing and sharing stories, gossip, and genuine appreciation for one another.  Moonbok and Hyunbin started a pillow fight which ended up being very lethal considering the size of their room.  Donghan had somehow kept some of the lipstick they used to film for the recreational cuts and suggested everyone try it on, which devolved into drawing a swirly eyebrow and goatee on Taedong and pretending he was Sanji from One Piece, which had Donghyun in hysterics.  Halfway through, the other eliminated trainees got the memo that I Know You Know dorm was where the party was at, and they managed to squeeze fifteen guys into the room.  Everyone was in high spirits, enjoying their last moments in this place together. Sunghyuk joked that this was the most relaxing day of Produce 101 they had ever had, sending everyone into wet, hiccupy laughter.

It was past dinner time when there was a knock on their door. It was the remaining trainees, finished with their filming and coming to say goodbye one last time. Everyone flooded out into the hallway to mingle, and as Donghyun was ending his conversation with Jinyoung, he heard his name.

“Donghyun-ah.”

Donghyun gulped. That voice belonged to the one person he was most anxious about saying goodbye to.

“Youngmin hyung.”

Donghyun turned to see Youngmin with his freshly dyed mop of black hair and a serious look on his face.

“Donghyun,” Youngmin said in a low voice, “can I talk to you?  Alone, I mean.”

Donghyun could only nod dazedly. His heart was suddenly racing. He had been enamored with Youngmin since the moment he joined Brand New Music, and the older had quickly began to dote on him as well, though Donghyun always forced himself not to think much of it. But being with Youngmin on Produce 101 had brought his feelings to a boiling point in many ways, making him faller deeper and deeper in love with him. He had pointedly avoided any kind of extended encounter with him after being eliminated because he was scared he might say something he regretted. Still, he allowed Youngmin to take his hand and lead them to a dorm that had been cleared out when trainees from position evaluations had left. They sat down side by side in a bottom bunk and Youngmin turned to face Donghyun.

“Talk to me.” He said.

“Huh?” Donghyun replied, confused. “I thought you wanted to talk to me.”

“Well, you avoided me during the end of the ranking announcement filming, and it looked like it was gonna be the same back there, so I figured something was up. What is it?” Youngmin put a warm hand over Donghyun’s thigh. “You can tell me, I promise.”

Donghyun felt his stomach flip with nervousness, and the current whereabouts of Youngmin’s hand were not helping. “Ah, Youngmin, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Youngmin’s eyebrows drew up and his lower lip pursed in the slightest of pouts. “Donghyun-ah, I know something is wrong. I’m not that stupid, I pay closer attention to you than you think. Just say it.”

“It’s nothing, it’s just something stupid.” Donghyun looked down at his hands. He was afraid if he bared all his insecurities and regrets about his performance on the show, he might accidentally expose what the show did to his feelings for Youngmin. Which was intensify them painfully.

“But I want to make it better.” Youngmin’s eyes were so sincere, Donghyun wished he could just fall into them. He opened his mouth to start to say something but shut it again. He felt this overpowering fear in admitting how he thought after being eliminated. Youngmin gave his leg a squeeze and smiled. “You can say it.”

Donghyun took a shaky breath. “After being eliminated... I felt so ashamed. And unaccomplished. I tried to think of all the ways I could have succeeded on this program but-” he swallowed, “I couldn’t think of anything I could have done.  Hyung, it was because _I_ lacked the skill, _I_ lacked the charms, _I_ lacked the presence to succeed.”  Donghyun could feel his tears coming back and he suddenly felt very small and stupid in front of Youngmin, but he kept talking, if only to delay Youngmin’s inevitable answer. “All I wanted was to go all the way together, I know we all said we would be in the top eleven together, and I was the one who fucked up. I knew I was going home today but it still hurts me so much, letting everyone down, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so, sorry. I-”

Youngmin stopped him with a gentle hand on his cheek. Donghyun’s eyes darted up to meet Youngmin’s and he could see how much pain was reflected in them.

“Donghyun... you know none of that is true. You’re the most well-rounded out of all of us. There isn’t a single thing you can’t do. You can sing, rap, dance, write, play guitar, you’re basically a whole group’s worth of skill in one person. The only reason you’re not moving on is because Mnet didn’t give you any screen time.” He gripped Donghyun a little tighter. “You and I both know that. Everyone here knows that. Hell, even the fans know it. You deserved more on this program.”  Youngmin pulled Donghyun into a tight hug. He mumbled into Donghyun’s hair, “is this why you wouldn’t talk to me?”

Donghyun almost shivered from the rumble of Youngmin’s chest and the tickle in his hair. “Yeah,” he said, muffled by the fabric of Youngmin’s sweater, “I just didn’t want to disappoint you.  I wanted to make you proud, make you think I was amazing. But I felt so defeated instead.”  Donghyun could feel his mouth slipping up and adding too much of his true feelings into his words, but he was too tired to care, and figured he could blame it on being emotional later.

Youngmin pulled back and held Donghyun by both of his arms. His gaze was intense, Donghyun could almost feel the heat radiating from it, as he said “Donghyun, you don’t need to do anything for me to think you’re amazing. I don’t need some online votes to tell me that. I’ve known that for a long time.” The smallest smile bloomed on Youngmin’s lips, but something much bigger was blooming, tentatively, in Donghyun’s chest. “I wanted to go to you the most after they let us say our goodbyes on stage, but you were avoiding me because you thought I was disappointed?”

Donghyun flinched, but it _was_ a little foolish of him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I understand you, I think.” Youngmin was wearing a full smile now.

“What do you mean, _I think?_ ” Donghyun replied with a watery smile.

“Well,” Youngmin paused, retracted his hands to his lap, suddenly he was the one who looked unsure. “Well, the reason I really wanted to talk to you alone was because there was something I had to say before you left.”

Donghyun was silent, listening for his next words. Youngmin folded his hands and began, “This program did a lot of things for me. I learned how act in front of cameras and perform and stuff, but what really hit me was you.” Donghyun didn’t understand. “And after Produce 101 ended I knew I wouldn’t have the right time to tell you, so I have to tell you now.  Donghyun, I realized I can’t pretend my feelings don’t exist.”

Donghyun blinked, was Youngmin confessing? Youngmin continued on, “watching you, no, watching _us_ grow together on this show made me realize that if we were to keep training and debut as idols together, there would be no way I could keep from wanting to be with you.”  Youngmin shook his head and smiled. “I thought my little crush would go away quickly, but there’s no way out. I had to tell you now, so if you don’t feel the same I would be able to put my feelings aside before we debuted.” He paused and looked up with a hopeful smile breaking on his face. Donghyun almost felt like passing out. “But if you do feel the same, I know there are gonna be lots of challenges, but I want to try to be with you.”

“I like you too,” Donghyun blurted so fast he almost bit himself. God, Youngmin’s smile was beautiful.

“What was that?” Youngmin asked, his cheeks pink.

“Oh my god, did I say that out loud?”  Donghyun sputtered.

Youngmin moved forward and placed a hand around the back of Donghyun’s neck.  He gave Donghyun’s chest a little push with his other hand and started to lower them onto the bed as he said, still smiling, “I wanna hear more about what you think of me.”

Donghyun gulped, taking a quick glance at the door before his head hit the cushions, which he was relieved to find closed.  “Well, your eyes are all sparkly,” he said the first thing to pop into his head, and then added “my brain is like scrambled eggs right now, this is too crazy.”

“Me too,” Youngmin said from above him, “I can’t believe I get to do this,” brushing his knuckles against Donghyun’s cheek. The light from the ceiling was haloing his loose strands of hair, and Donghyun wanted to burn the image in his memory forever. They just stayed like that, admiring each other for a couple moments.

Suddenly Youngmin said “Hey.”

“What?”

“You know what haven’t gotten to do yet?”

Donghyun had a little inkling of an idea that sent his heart racing, but he licked his lips and replied “Tell me.”

Youngmin grinned, “I think maybe you already know.”  And then he bent down and closed the distance between their lips.

The sensation was so soft it was almost overstimulating. Donghyun could tell Youngmin was deliberating, taking it slow; the closed mouth kiss was tender and delicate. Donghyun suddenly felt a rush of boldness and impatience and pulled Youngmin’s head down by his hair, crashing their mouths together sloppily. He hadn’t really considered the technical aspect of kissing, especially since this was his first time, but if the growl was any indication, Youngmin seemed to respond to his action with a lot of enthusiasm. The older man lowered himself so he was laying on top of Donghyun and supporting himself with only a forearm next to Donghyun’s head, all without breaking contact between their lips. The kiss was all biting and suction; Youngmin seemed desperate to devour Donghyun alive. Suddenly Donghyun felt a tongue teasing along the seam of his lips. He opened his mouth in a little gasp and Youngmin took the opportunity to lick into his mouth. That did something to Donghyun, he didn’t know what, but he was putty in Youngmin’s hands.

The kiss took many twists and turns, and Donghyun felt like he was being tugged along on the ride of his life until Youngmin pulled away momentarily and Donghyun got a good look at his flushed face and heaving chest. Youngmin’s eyes raked down his body darkly and a wave of arousal kicked Donghyun in the stomach. He swallowed thickly. He had never seen his usually bright and innocent hyung like this and it sent his thoughts to very unwholesome places that he hadn’t let himself explore before. He didn’t seem to be alone though, as Youngmin wedged his thigh in between Donghyun’s legs, creating delicious friction through the fabric of his sweatpants. Donghyun bit his lip to stifle a moan.

“God, you’re so perfect.” Youngmin muttered into his jaw. “Do you know how hard it was for me to concentrate while we were practicing?”

Donghyun turned completely red and ducked his head down to capture Youngmin’s lips in another searing kiss. “I- I think I might be able to relate on some level,” he replied after they broke apart, barely able to piece together a coherent answer. He let his hands wander to the hem of Youngmin’s shirt. Youngmin lifted a hand from Donghyun’s hair to cover his and slide it under the garment.

Touching Youngmin’s body was like exploring a foreign land. Obviously they had seen each other’s bodies before, they lived together after all, so Donghyun knew what to expect, but he still drew a sharp breath when he felt the soft skin encasing lean muscle. Youngmin’s eyes fluttered shut at the contact, and Donghyun ghosted his fingers all the way up his chest until he was running his index fingers along his collarbones.

“Don’t stop,” Youngmin whispered before diving down for another long kiss. Donghyun was finding out that Youngmin was very gifted with his mouth, and his mapping of the rapper’s chest soon turned into frantic scrabbling at his back as he tried to control his body’s reactions to Youngmin’s tongue. Youngmin’s touches were more urgent too, running through Donghyun’s hair and gripping his waist like a clamp. Donghyun found himself liking the way Youngmin’s hands wrapped around and covered his body so easily way too much. The air was filled only with pants and the occasional soft gasps.

Youngmin drew back slightly onto his forearms to observe Donghyun’s debauched expression, and in that moment they were startled apart by frantic knocking at the door. “Donghyun, are you in there?! They’re saying you gotta get in the van!” Daehwi’s voice shouted through the door. Donghyun locked eyes with Youngmin and made a panicked face; the two scrambled apart hastily.  Youngmin pulled his shirt down and while Donghyun fixed his hair. When Daehwi opened the door, followed by Woojin peering out from behind him, the two were sitting a safe distance away from each other on the bed, stiff as boards, studiously staring at the opposite wall.

Daehwi started screaming and running around like a chicken with its head cut off, “OH MY GOD FINALLY!! HYUNGS I’M SO PROUD OF YOU GUYS!! EVERYONE, OH MY GOD, YOUNGMIN HYUNG AND DONGHYUN HYUNG FINALLY GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER!”

Next to him Woojin was snickering. “Nice, hyungs. We never thought it would happen in our lifetimes.”

“What gave it away?” Asked Youngmin in bewilderment.

Woojin grinned. “You can fix your hair but you can’t make-” the boy waved a hand in front of his face, “-this go away.” Donghyun and Youngmin looked at each other and realized that they did indeed look like they had been participating in... exciting activities.

Youngmin flushed even darker and gave a sheepish smile. “We weren’t exactly planning on letting you know like this but...” he trailed off while rubbing the back of his head. He looked adorable. Donghyun was so in love. Youngmin got up off the bed and offered Donghyun a hand to stand up.

At this point Daehwi’s shrieking had attracted the attention of other trainees, who gathered around the door of the dorm. Sewoon gave an approving nod to them while Seongwoo and Daniel grinned like loons (although they seemed to be looking at each other.)

“Donghyun hyung, you’re the last one here, everyone else left. We’re all happy for you and Youngmin but manager hyung is waiting in the van outside.” Woojin said.

“Come on, let’s let the lovebirds say their goodbyes alone.” Daehwi crooned, shoving everyone away from the doorway.

Chuckling, Youngmin grabbed Donghyun and tugged him to the wall out of sight of the doorway. “Donghyun-ah, it’s only two weeks, can you wait?”

“Huh? You’re going to top 11, don’t forget.” Donghyun replied, putting his hands on Youngmin’s chest.

“Either way, we end filming in two weeks and I get to see you again... I already can’t wait.”

Donghyun sighed, “Me neither, you’re gonna do great hyung.”

“I’m gonna be missing you every day.” Youngmin reached out to adjust a strand of hair that his hands had previously pushed out of place.

“Hey! How do you think I’ll feel at home alone?”

“Hurry up!” came Daehwi’s voice from outside. Youngmin turned his head in the direction for a moment and when he turned back Donghyun leaned into him to give him a quick peck. When he pulled away Youngmin had the goofiest smile on his face.

“Youngmin, I gotta go now.  See you soon, I’ll be thinking about you every day.” Donghyun headed outside the room, and when he turned back to see if Youngmin was following, he saw that his alpaca’s face was still plastered with the same dumb expression. Donghyun’s heart blossomed with a thousand different kinds of flowers.

Outside trainees were wolf-whistling and Donghyun absorbed them like cheers, with a smile, and made his way to the dorms exit and out into the crisp night.  As he buckled into the empty van and rode home, he didn’t feel alone like he thought he would less than twelve hours ago.  Instead, he had the bonds with all the friends he made along the way, the skills he gained from the program, and most importantly, he had Im Youngmin’s heart. And today, that was worth more than any place in the Top 20.

**Author's Note:**

> Hah I'm sorry about the cheesy and generic ending but I couldn't think of a better way to wrap it up. Donghyun and Youngmin are so precious!! And a longer fic about them is probably in the works heeeeeh


End file.
